• Jessica Vantiegham

Love and Marriage

Updated: Apr 20, 2020

You thought this was going to be some sweet rambling on my marriage. Nope. Not the day for that or the mood. It’s about how we all need to stop with the perpetuation that our relationships are perfect or even somewhat amazing all the time. All the time? C’mon now.

I would like to karate chop every person, movie, and magazine article that perpetuated the idea that once you got married or find the “love of your life” you will be instantly transported to a utopia of relationship bliss. Rainbows shooting out of coffee cups. Unicorns pooping cotton candy. You get the idea.

Yes, in theory, it could be. But chances are…it won’t. That kind of false advertising is much like how childbirth is a magical thing. FALSE. Having a child is magical. Childbirth is gross. It’s painful. I’m not saying it’s not worth it but let’s stop pretending that the beautiful bundle of joy showing up on your social media feed didn’t come at the momentary cost of that poor woman’s lady bits and swollen feet. But, much like conflict in a relationship…it’s completely natural.

My hubs and I make a good partnership for the most part. We both feel grateful 98% of the time to have found each other. We push each other to be better people. Our values are the same despite completely different religious and political stances. The areas I suck in life, he doesn’t and vice versa. Will we be married to death do us part? With lots of laugh and hard work..we hope so. Can we guarantee that? Not a chance. You know why? We’re two incredibly imperfect people who met late in life with enough proverbial baggage to down a 737 Boeing with only two passengers on board.

We fight. We get bored with the monotony of our life. We get frustrated with each other’s limitations or flaws. We notice other good-looking people. Guess what…every bit of that is 100% natural despite the brainwashing of magazines, story books and Disney movies since the beginning of time.

The most important constant of every successful relationship is that you absolutely WILL have conflict. And, being able to work thru issues and compromise is THE KEY to any long-term relationship. Compromise is not exactly sexy or romantic but without it…. well, good luck getting to sexy or romantic.

And when the proverbial bullshit outweighs the goodshit consistently…that’s when a relationship starts to die.

(This does not apply to abusive relationships: physical, emotional or financial. You need out of that. Anyone abusing you on any level does not deserve you.)

Look…you don’t have to overshare on social media or air your dirty laundry. But, we also don’t need to pretend like all of those sweet pictures of smiling couples are without some sort of sacrifice or compromise along the way. We need to stop perpetuating the idea that if it’s not easy…then it’s not meant to be. That’s simply not true and there may be someone in your life right now that needs to hear that too.

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